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what he would have specified...
Some of this is about what he would have wanted. Some of this he wouldn't have been picky about, but it's what I wish, and compatible with what he would have wished.
1) There should be NO OPEN CASKET. I'm unclear on the gory details. That there are gory details to be unclear about means that Rich is not, uh, looking his best these days. I know that morticians, to accommodate the bizarre wishes of many families to have an open casket, have become quite the artists with the makeup etc. to basically build a manikin of the person around the remains. IMHO the results always look creepy. I don't anticipate any argument from his family on this; there were no open caskets for Juliet and Susan, although perhaps the argument there was that even greater miracles would be required from the mortician.
2) CREMATION. I'm not sure that we had any serious in-depth discussion on this point. But Rich did not believe that his self would be tied in any way to his body after death, and thus was not picky on this issue. I think he would have gone for this as being the practical and convenient for the family choice. This is my preference, and clearly his family will have no issue with that-- both Juliet and Susan were cremated.
3) DO NOT HAVE THE MEMORIAL SERVICE IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. (Or any other church.) Sure, Rich's family was ethnically Catholic, but he had serious philosophical disagreements with the Catholic church. I don't care how cool the new pope is; not enough movement, fast enough. Susan's funeral was in the Church, and Rich was just appalled.
This might be an issue.
OK, if the family really, really, really fights me on this, then maybe, just maybe, we could do it in the B.C. High chapel, IF (some big serious important if's here) the priest is some super-open-minded liberal Jesuit who's OK with all kinds of weird music at the service, if he swears, absolutely, that the service will be All About Rich, not about Jesus. I'm not sure if even a Jesuit can shut up about Jesus, though.
Hmmm.
Is there some weird, secular, temple-like setting were one might have a funeral, without Jesus, but enough of a spiritual vibe that his family is fooled into thinking he had religion? Who runs the service in such a setting-- the funeral director? (Lucky me, I haven't attended a whole lot of funerals in my life.)
4) Somebody should spread his ashes on the Playa during Burning Man, I guess. I think he would like that best. Although, he didn't really care that much. Nor do I. And his family would probably have a cow about this. Well, if it's so important, I guess Matt can keep his brother in a box on the mantle, or whatever, if it's so important to him. (But, somebody does need to hang both Rich's and Juliet's pictures in The Temple, at least. Volunteers?)
5) I think a bunch of people can each say a few words at the memorial service. Walter can talk about how important music was to Rich; Matt, about how strong Rich was; Phil could tell some hilarious story involving elevators at MIT or something. Somebody, Mish maybe, could talk about the new, Burning-Man Rich.
6) Given how important music was in Rich's life, and how talented his family and friends are, there should be some diverse, live music at the memorial service. The offerings could be kind if weird for a memorial service, but off-beat would be fitting for Rich.
So... I have never organized such a thing before. Juliet's father organized Juliet's memorial service primarily. Matt was probably involved in organizing the stuff for their mother, but it turned out to be cookie-cutter Catholic service (bletch). Once we have a funeral home, we have a funeral director? And they will coordinate with anyone who has a part to contribute to the service? I guess? Hmm, maybe the funeral home in Wilmington is too square to pull this off. Any recommendations? Some place in artistic Somerville?
1) There should be NO OPEN CASKET. I'm unclear on the gory details. That there are gory details to be unclear about means that Rich is not, uh, looking his best these days. I know that morticians, to accommodate the bizarre wishes of many families to have an open casket, have become quite the artists with the makeup etc. to basically build a manikin of the person around the remains. IMHO the results always look creepy. I don't anticipate any argument from his family on this; there were no open caskets for Juliet and Susan, although perhaps the argument there was that even greater miracles would be required from the mortician.
2) CREMATION. I'm not sure that we had any serious in-depth discussion on this point. But Rich did not believe that his self would be tied in any way to his body after death, and thus was not picky on this issue. I think he would have gone for this as being the practical and convenient for the family choice. This is my preference, and clearly his family will have no issue with that-- both Juliet and Susan were cremated.
3) DO NOT HAVE THE MEMORIAL SERVICE IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. (Or any other church.) Sure, Rich's family was ethnically Catholic, but he had serious philosophical disagreements with the Catholic church. I don't care how cool the new pope is; not enough movement, fast enough. Susan's funeral was in the Church, and Rich was just appalled.
This might be an issue.
OK, if the family really, really, really fights me on this, then maybe, just maybe, we could do it in the B.C. High chapel, IF (some big serious important if's here) the priest is some super-open-minded liberal Jesuit who's OK with all kinds of weird music at the service, if he swears, absolutely, that the service will be All About Rich, not about Jesus. I'm not sure if even a Jesuit can shut up about Jesus, though.
Hmmm.
Is there some weird, secular, temple-like setting were one might have a funeral, without Jesus, but enough of a spiritual vibe that his family is fooled into thinking he had religion? Who runs the service in such a setting-- the funeral director? (Lucky me, I haven't attended a whole lot of funerals in my life.)
4) Somebody should spread his ashes on the Playa during Burning Man, I guess. I think he would like that best. Although, he didn't really care that much. Nor do I. And his family would probably have a cow about this. Well, if it's so important, I guess Matt can keep his brother in a box on the mantle, or whatever, if it's so important to him. (But, somebody does need to hang both Rich's and Juliet's pictures in The Temple, at least. Volunteers?)
5) I think a bunch of people can each say a few words at the memorial service. Walter can talk about how important music was to Rich; Matt, about how strong Rich was; Phil could tell some hilarious story involving elevators at MIT or something. Somebody, Mish maybe, could talk about the new, Burning-Man Rich.
6) Given how important music was in Rich's life, and how talented his family and friends are, there should be some diverse, live music at the memorial service. The offerings could be kind if weird for a memorial service, but off-beat would be fitting for Rich.
So... I have never organized such a thing before. Juliet's father organized Juliet's memorial service primarily. Matt was probably involved in organizing the stuff for their mother, but it turned out to be cookie-cutter Catholic service (bletch). Once we have a funeral home, we have a funeral director? And they will coordinate with anyone who has a part to contribute to the service? I guess? Hmm, maybe the funeral home in Wilmington is too square to pull this off. Any recommendations? Some place in artistic Somerville?
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(Anonymous) 2014-05-10 01:14 pm (UTC)(link)--alex
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will try email and phone again this afternoon if i don't get a response by 3p.