(no subject)

[chhotii]

I am so lucky that I have never been sexually assaulted. I've been eyed up at work, but it's never gone as far as touching, so work has always been a safe space for me. In this I am so lucky. But I may have had a close call in my youth. One time in San Diego I went out for a walk without my glasses on. (What they hell was I doing going out without my glasses on? Having a bad contact lens day is no excuse. I have never done that again!!!) A man in a car asked for directions. Since I couldn't see I didn't realize at first that he was openly masturbating while I was talking to him. Thus he was enraged with disappointment when I quite suddenly backed away and fled. Thank god this took him sufficiently by surprise that he didn't react in time to grab me.

As a small female, my life is bounded by fear. Usually I don't even notice the walls any more. But last night was bad. I wished to get a new battery for my pedometer from CVS, and I would've liked to have walked there, since getting more walking is really rather the point. But I don't dare walk around much outside after dark. So, oh, the irony, driving the car to buy a battery for the pedometer. Later that night I woke up, in a panic about my thesis, which I haven't managed to ripen up enough to turn in. Giving up on sleep, I got up to try to pull an all-nighter writing it. But sitting down at my computer I kept running into questions that would set my mind going in circles: Should I do a multiple regression, or a bunch of correlations? How do I solve this other thorny mathematical problem? How do I start off my Introduction in a way that grabs the reader's interest, and conveys that I'm going somewhere with this topic and not just blathering? How do I cope with Bob's critical comments on my draft, or the fact that sleep scoring is still sometimes baffling to me? When I'm mentally spinning in circles on something and frustrated, the urge to get up and move becomes distracting and nearly overwhelming. I concluded that to be able to work on this, I need to be able to get up and walk whenever I have to mentally wrestle with something. If I could've gone out for a walk, I could've been productive. Walk, epiphany, write, walk, epiphany, write, repeat as necessary. But no wait, it's dark outside, it's 2:00 am. Not prudent for small female to go out for a walk at 2:00 am.

If I am ever in prison, I am unlikely to write a book while in prison, because you can't take a walk whenever you want in prison.

To be a small female living in a rape culture is to be a prisoner every night after dark. I wish it would stop being that way.

Trump defends his bragging about sexual assault as just locker-room banter, all it good fun, "a distraction" from real issues, nothing to be concerned about. Excuse me, but this is a real issue for me. This is, like, the most real issue for me. I don't feel in danger from Mr. Trump personally (I'm not nearly pretty enough for him). But at this moment we have an opportunity to either ALL say OMFG DONALD YOU ARE LOATHSOME, I would sooner cast a write-in ballot for a goat than vote for you, and move the discussion of acceptable behavior towards women forwards; or his die-hard supporters can keep carrying his flag, minimize and belittle this issue, and say wink-wink "this is what boys do", and take a massive step BACKWARDS in women's safety.

To anyone still supporting Trump after this: FUCK YOU, Trump-supporters. FUCK YOU WITH MULTIPLE BIG RUSTY CHAIN-SAWS AT ONCE.

Comments

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i feel you.

i also often walk anyway.

this is not the smallest part of why i have a dog.

dog! no wait, but allergies

[chhotii.livejournal.com]

Yeah, having a dog would be nice. Not feasible for me at the moment because I live in a tiny apartment with carpet and have a moderate allergy to dogs. If I ever move back into the house in the 'burbs, the possibility of having a dog would be one of the attractions. For me to have a dog, with my allergy problems, I need a house like that: it's all hard-wood floor, no wall-to-wall carpeting; it's big enough that I could confine the dog to remain on a level of the house where my bedroom is not; and there's a good bit of yard for the dog to hang out outside much of the time. Then again, if I kept some of the current tenants on as roommates, they are allergic to pets too. Sigh.

Re: dog! no wait, but allergies

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

hmm, i know some friends who have poodle mixes as service dogs because of allergy issues; maybe also possible to consider less-allergenic breeds for a pet?

[achinhibitor.livejournal.com]

Sigh, it's so true. But I grew up in a town where women could actually safely walk around after dark. (A little while ago, I checked with my mother, and she says it's true.)

[koshmom.livejournal.com]

I believe that being asked to come to a car and then having a man masturbate in front of you constitutes a sexual assault. You were extremely lucky it didn't go into battery, and you are very fortunate to have had enough sense to get away, but you WERE sexually assaulted. What he did was illegal.

And I am so happy to know it didn't give you PTSD or cause you to feel trauma or other psychological problems!