there are, indeed, still party rules

[chhotii]

There we were at Scott and Rachel's party. Sophia was in the pool, so of course, I was sitting in the pool area. Not staring at her the whole time; there were a lot of other eyeballs on the scene. I was listening to one of these endless fascinating but pointless debates on the effectiveness of the TSA in preventing terrorism.

Then I noticed a commotion in the pool. Sophia and a boy were fighting in the pool. Not play-fighting; serious grabbing each other's heads trying to drown each other fighting. I jumped up and yelled at Sophia to stop and get out of the pool. She was inclined to stay in the pool and stand her ground, since it appeared that the boy was going to get to stay in the pool-- which would be victory to him, which she thought was unfair. They continued to fight, so I yelled at both the kids to get out of the pool. The boy scampered off. At no point did I see any parent or other responsible adult interact with the boy. Sophia bawled that she was getting all the blame and punishment for the situation, yet again, so not fair. Then we left.

Yes, I admit, the conflict probably arose in the first place because my kid was being unreasonable. However, I could've used the other parent's help in yelling at the kids to get out of the pool, and another judge on the parental panel of judges. And what if I hadn't been on the scene either?

I went home wondering aren't parents supposed to watch their kids in the pool? Or is it just assumed that there's enough density of adults to take care of things as needed? I had wondered this earlier when I felt stuck at the poolside, watching Sophia in the pool, and the smell of meat started to waft over from the grill, and felt frustrated that I don't have a co-parent to either take over or go fetch me a hamburger. I tried to get someone else to fetch me a burger... and was told "go get it yourself, there's plenty of parents here." (Note, this was a non-parent who said this to me.) [Fortunately, the few minutes that I was out of the pool area getting burger and drink were apparently uneventful.]

So, when I got home, I dug up the party rules that Scott and Rachel posted. Here I quote the relevant rules:

Swimming Pool and the Pool Area

Children under the age of 13 in the pool area (this means anywhere inside the pool gate, not just in the water) must be watched by a parent (or specified adult, with their consent) at all times.

If that adult is not in the pool area, the child must not be either. This may occasionally feel difficult, but it’s a fundamental rule of pool safety.

...

Children
For the comfort and enjoyment of all attending, we ask for thoughtful and appropriate control to be exerted over the behavior of children. Please be aware of what your kids are doing, and how it may be affecting other people at the party. If this is likely to be difficult, consider leaving them at home with a babysitter.

See, I do have a right to be miffed at the boy's parent(s). As far as I can tell, they were breaking all of these rules; there were unfortunate consequences; and they are probably oblivious to the fact that there were any consequences. (I have no idea who this boy was, or who his parents are.)

Perhaps it's not such a good idea for me to go to these parties with Sophia and no other adult. I am often alone in the crowd at such parties. By myself, without Sophia, I can be fine alone in the crowd, drinking sangria and appreciating the fire-spinning. When I have Sophia, though, I could use the support of another grown-up.

Comments

[tamidon.livejournal.com]

this must be really hard, I'm really sorry. You should let Scott and Rachel know so they can reinforce the rules, that was not OK. Also, dick move to tell you to go get a burger yourself, not very communally spirited

Agreed.

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

That was a seriously dick move. I'm a non-parent but I certainly don't mind helping a parental unit in this kind of situation and the response you got was just downright rude.

Also agreed that you should let Scott and Rachel know about this.

I'm really sorry it is/was so difficult.

[chhotii.livejournal.com]

I imagine that Scott will be apoplectic, but without any idea who this boy's parents are, how effective is this reinforcement going to be? They always post the party rules in the invitations, and there will still be those who read the rules and those who don't.

[tamidon.livejournal.com]

oh, you don't know who the parents are, not just they werent there. I didnt catch that.

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

it may be possible for the hosts to figure out who the parents were from descriptions and timing?

i'm sorry that sucked. i know it's not a rules violation, but i'm especially cranky about the non-parent who wouldn't help you get a goddamn burger.

[frotz.livejournal.com]

After all of the communication and kerfluffle of recent months that all started with a discussion of party rules, I'm kind of amazed that both the parent of the other kid and the "eh, just ditch the kid and get a burger" commenter either didn't know them or just didn't care. (I may be more rules-bound than some.)

In any case, I am sorry, that sucks!

[dpolicar]

I'm sorry.

[vorpalbunny.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that happened. I'm usually at such parties with a co-parent, and if our kids are there one of us is in the pool area. Please feel free to tag me, at least, and ask for support , watching, burger fetching or what have you. (I know it's too late now, but I wish I had noticed, and I apologize.)

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. I wish I'd known what was going on when it went on. I'd like echo much of what vorpalbunny said. I'm not one of the parents, but I would have been glad to get you food or whatever you needed so that you would be free to supervise Sophia.

If a future situation arises, and I'm in the vicinity, please feel free to grab me even if it's by proxy. You and your proxies have full permission to interrupt any conversation I might be having at the moment.

Also, sunspiral and roozle have now made a point of posting their cel phone numbers in multiple places (on walls in the house and the pool vicinity) so that someone can contact them at any point that they might want to get a host's attention or report something happening that shouldn't be.

I wonder if for people who have been coming to the parties for a while, the posted numbers might not have been noticed, or maybe the info needs to be posted in more places. But if anything like what happened in the pool happens again, I know that the hosts would want to be called immediately, if possible while the thing is happening. They are there to make the party happen well for everyone and want to know if stuff is going amiss or if someone isn't respecting the party/house rules, even if seems like a little thing. It's not a little thing if it's interfering with guests' enjoyment at the party.


ETA: (I just re-read this and realized that I was assuming that you hadn't seen the posted phone numbers. I'm sorry; I should assume. But the incident you describe is exactly the sort of thing that the hosts would want to be notified about immediately, which is why they made a point of making their contact information clear and obvious.)

[chhotii.livejournal.com]

I did see the posted cell phone numbers; those were quite prominent and obvious. I was just focused on disciplining Sophia and getting her out of there at the time.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

::nod:: That's completely understandable. And I'd meant that I should *not* assume in my previous comment. Teach 'me' to type when distracted.

Glad to hear that the signs with the cel phone numbers were prominent and obvious. Thanks - that's good feedback.

[spinrabbit.livejournal.com]

Oh suck.

I'm sorry you didn't get the backup you needed; for what it's worth, if I had been aware of the situation I would have done what I could to help. If you want to get in touch ahead of time, I'd be willing to be Sophia's other adult at an event.

I've run into other parents blowing off the pool rules too, and it really gets to me. On occasion, I've asked a kid who their adult is in the pool area, and if they didn't have a clear answer, gone off to find their parents. (Not this time, though, I wasn't hanging out in the pool area.)

I think that *even if* the kid and his parents can't be identified, S+R would want to know about this.

[ceo]

That really sucks, I'm sorry. (And timing-wise, it seems I ought to have witnessed this incident, but I apparently missed it.)

Maybe the rule about adult supervision needs to be prominently posted at the entrance to the pool area.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

If I'd been there, I would have been happy to get you a burger!

That sucks

[drwex]

I am sorry you had a bad incident; I cannot help being glad it was not my kid at fault. Sorry you don't know which parent needs to be reminded, to say the least.

I do know that many people were not personally supervising their individual kids in the pool area, but all the examples I saw were of cases where the other adult was known to the child, not a generic "oh there are other parents around." That sucks.

I totally get how it's impossible to enjoy oneself as a single parent of a child at large events. Pygment can manage it - I cannot.

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry this happened! If anyone has any idea of who the boy or the other parents were, I'd like to know. If there's anything you'd like roozle or me to do about this, please tell us.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

That sucks. I'm sorry that happened.

For what it's worth I'd have gotten you a burger, too.