e-mail to Sophia's teacher

[chhotii]

Subject: homework


Sophia did such a nice job on her homework Monday evening! So it was
disappointing to see the worksheet... still in her homework folder on
Tuesday morning.

Clearly Sophia needs some supports to help her learn to remember to do
whatever she needs to do to turn in homework.

I'm confused. Are there consequences at school for not getting the
homework done? If Sophia does the homework, but doesn't turn it in, is she
suffering the consequences? If she's suffering the consequences of not
doing the homework on days when she did do homework, is she protesting
about it? If not, why not? Did she forget that she did actually do her
homework? Does she not connect the consequence with the homework? Or does
she assume that the adult world is against her and that this has nothing
to do with justice? If there isn't a consequence for not doing the
homework, how do I keep reinforcing the message "homework is really
important this year and therefore you have to do it"? Am I supposed to
keep up this battle? I get fewer drawn-out exhausting battles if
expectations are consistent.

What's the routine for turning in homework? Is there some cue that's
supposed to prompt turning in homework at a particular time? If so, I
guess Sophia needs some training to make the right associations with that
cue. Or, are kids supposed to spontaneously remember at any random point
in the day to turn in their homework? That's very tricky without some kind
of external tool such as a to-do list, checklist, electronic reminders,
schedule, etc. I work with a bunch of adults (all over the age of 24, by
which point the frontal lobe is supposed to have developed) who cannot
manage to remember to file their electronic timesheets every weekend. OK,
so I guess that proves the point that one can be a successful adult
without managing to master a system of to-do lists and reminders. But if
this is going to exacerbate our homework battles, I'd like to either not
hold Sophia to an expectation that even adults can't meet, or get her
trained in using some kind of to-do list system that will remind her to
turn the homework in.

Thanks,
Sophia's mom

Am I making sense here? It's not that I want her teacher to take on more things that he has to remember (like remembering to get Sophia to turn in her homework).

Comments

[frobzwiththingz.livejournal.com]

Did you actually ask Sophia any of these questions before you wrote all of that? if so, what questions did you ask, and what answers did you get?

[drwex]

Yes, this makes sense. It's a CONSTANT struggle for us. With both kids. Over many years and many teachers.

The entire system is designed around (and for) kids who are cooperative and generally have their mental shit together. It fails in varying degrees for kids who do not.

Does Sophia have a 504 plan with the school?

[achinhibitor.livejournal.com]

Of course, I'm totally out of the loop here, but what strikes me is that it's not clear what your asking. Or rather, you seem to be asking a lot of things, and answering all the questions would take the teacher forever.

Can all of this be reduced to a single question?

I also get the sense that you have definite preferences or interests that aren't explicitly stated. (And since they might be different from those of other parents, it would be helpful to put them on the table explicitly.)

I get the sense that you're saying, "Sophia doesn't seem to be turning in all the homework she does. I want to make sure she does turn it all in. What can I do to make sure that she does?"

But maybe this would work better in a conversation with the teacher, where each successive question can take into account the answers to previous questions.

Or as others say, start with having a conversation with Sophia, though I've forgotten how old she is and whether she has accurate enough factual memory to make such a conversation enlightening.